Urgh

"Drinking nonfat milk is like drinking cow flavored water."

It's a Game!

"Lets see who has the most poo in their hand!"

Not Fun For Us

"It's not my fault I have so much gas. I learned to have fun with it."

"It's like Christmas morning with beans!"

Better Than Sadness

"You make me cry from laughter and allergies."

Hmmmm

"We were bored. There was a pocket knife."

"I got all gangster legged."

"That's why I can't sleep with Jack on an air mattress, I'd wake up to him eating my scabs."

"Sorry if I was offensive and painful."

Jo Bro

"They're not a boy band anymore, they're more of a man band now."

We Soooo Could

"I swear we could make the cast of Star Trek from the old men in this town!"

Rock, Paper, Scissor... Pencil?

"I'll take you down like a pencil in a scissor fight."

Not Me

"I'm sorry we don't live in the time of original cereal."

'Sup?

"I'm the 'sup nod!"

Sarcasm, people

"Please, sneeze in my mouth. I like it."

Okay

"I hope it's cooler (at work) tonight. If not I'll be mad... It won't do any good, but I'll be mad."

Uh, yeah, I knew that...

"Mom, you know how I know we're nerds? Because half our mess is books."

Legos

"They hurt when you step on them, but they remind you you're alive."

IDK

"What? That doesn't makes no sense! Why would we jump through time and space to go to a hot spring?"

Yeah, You Have...

"Have I ever told you the little song I sing about you in my head."

Indeed

"You can't tweet body language."

Pop Culture

"Remember that time when you decided my right arm was named, "My stuuuuuupid.", and my head was named Short Round?"

Sing Along

"It's a mash up between Brass Monkey and food baby."

Oh

"Yogurt is a sometimes vowel."

Hmmmm

"Oh, he blinked! I didn't know tortoises blinked! ... He blinked again, because I blew in his eye."

Sing It

"His name is Jack. He is a showdog."



*Come on people, you know about the Copacabana!

Ugh

"I'm just gonna squeeze a banana slug into a seashell and see what happens."

Not Even Close...

Me: Do you know who my favorite Superhero was when I was a kid?

Her: Bush?

Me Too

"I think it's hilarious that you rebelled by finding God."

And Also To You

'Goodnight, you fish faced freak.'

Right?

"5 foot pepperoni? That's about 4 foot more than a person needs!"

Pearl Two

"Let's tell 'Yo Mama' knitting jokes."

So Anyway

"STOP. SNIFFING. MY. BUTT, oh those were your toes. I thought it was the dog."

That's What You Get

"It looks like what would happen if you drive through Vegas really fast."

A Bird In The Hand...

"But you eat eggs, right?"   
"Hell yes, that's one less baby chicken in the world." (Snort)

Oh

"Aw, there's dirt in my hurt!"

Uh, Yes

"What? Greece still exists?"

Indeed

"Rat's are very ironic."

Not Really

"Want to smell my water?"

Rude

"You got a new pretzel... just to ignore?"

Mmm Hmm

"Do they make nonalcoholic wine? Oh wait, grape juice!'

Ya Think?

"Maybe the dog is inhuman."

Indeed

"(You), come feel my leg, I swear I'm turning into a mermaid."

You Do That

"I'm gonna isolate, try not to hate."

Is That So?

"He's just watching baseball, he doesn't need to hear it."

Do Tell

"I have another penis related story!"

It's Fun

He's ruthless with his slap caking!

Much More

It's like caramel only friendlier.

Nonnies Version

"Old school Wee Willie is scary!"

Boys Be Warned

"I won't marry someone who speaks Klingon, it would be a waste of time. Learning Klingon, not the marriage!"

Okay Honey

"I'm so glad my chip is a towel."

Uh...

"Smell my hands and tell me which one burned hair off it."

Makes Sense

"They're secret cookies, like secret meat, but secret cookies."

"You feel like toast not pita crisps."

No, In Fact I Am Not

"Are you a single brethren looking to meet other brethren?"

"Why would you sit down in a bathroom?"

"In that case, what lives in a cow town?" "........Hookers?"

"That pickle DID wake me up!" "It's a good thing I ate a pickle and now we don't have to go to bed."

I Love Grammar

"I will smote you and you will be smitten."

Tasty

"I was just going to kiss your hand, but it ended up being a weird licking thing."

He's Out Of Shape

"Why's Voldemort doing push ups?"

"Then she said something about Norway and I was like, you're high."