Indeed

"Save me Jerry Wan! You're the only one!""Princess Leia says it..."
"No, Obi Wan!"
"...Obi Wan is a hologram and he says: "Save me Obi Wan! I'm my only hope!"

I'm Not Surprised...

"(He) is being weird about knives and cream cheese."

'Firtato, fritato--- Oh look, mixed nuts.'

Hurry Down My Chimney Tonight

"Yeah, Santa does not have an affair... with anyone."

"Jaaaaack, I have a large and ominous piece of paper... Wear it like a shell... You're an insect dog."

Done

"You're always right after the fact. BLOG THAT, SUCKER!"

Thanks For The Clarification

"We lost a lot of balls to banty roosters when we were kids. Not personal balls, toy balls."

Probably Not

"According to statistical likelihood Jesus did not have that much hair when he was born."

This is what my Christmas scene needed! A robot!

'The problem is I think cake and cookies are opposites.'

True

"Sweet pickles are an abomination. I'd rather smack a baby than bring sweet pickles!"

"Speaking of wenis, what's the plural of penis? Peni?"

We Were

"You're ganging up on me knee patrol!"

Uhhhhhh

"Ain't no car pool lane to evil."
"What?"
"Voldemort is riding this crane in the car pool lane. It is a peace crane, it shouldn't be driving alone in the carpool lane."

"My cheese never falls on my pants!"

Huh?

"I keep trying to make an acute scalene triangle, but it keeps turning out obtuse."

"When I scared you, did you pull a muscle in your leg? Because I did when I was imitating you."

Oh! I can't skip, I have a tiara.

Did you look under the couch?

"Oh no! I've lost George Washington!"

Probably Not

"No. What I said was, 'If a cannibalistic monster attacked you he wouldn't care if you were on form.'"

Suuuure

"It's only half cannibalism."

So This Is Happening In My Kitchen

"You're exercising your fist in my direction."
"This is a delicate lady kick."
"You're too close. I can't punch at this distance."

It's the trucker handshake. I learned it today in trucker class.

Oh, I put her in there under Google Himenschteen.

"It sounds like one of those vampire hooker shows."

"It sounds like one of those vampire hooker shows."

I don't even know what you're talking about! I'm just practicing my snarl back here!

Duh

"That was my 'Kicking you in the nuts' impression."
"I don't have nuts."
"That's why it was an impression."

Hey did you ever find that rooster in your bathroom?

What makes finger guns uncool is that you can't spin them around.

"Tag me as the mustache!"

Uh, you don't know?

What's that F word people use...?

Hey!

"Do not put Draco Malfoy in my ice cream!"

It Kinda Was

"'Raking and a Rockin' Boberan' is not about you."

Fine Then

"If you're going to be mean to him you can't use my pizza crust!"

"Why do all my relationships fail? I'm going back to being a no faced freak."

"It's half past 9 it must just be raining boys."

How About It?

"How about, 'It's better to be Ridigolous than Expelliarmus.'

No, No I Wouldn't

"Would you want a snake licking you for five minutes?"

"You guys need to develop a resistance to normal things."

hon, it's a peace crane. It doesn't peck your eyes out.

"That's a mustache robot"

"The english accent makes me cuss."

"The road is our oyster."

"Can I take a picture of the largest organ in your body now ?"

"You're funny! It's one of the reasons I kept dating you after you wore a tank top on our first date."

"We're not having goats with no ears, that's creepy."

Fishy

"Ew! I don't want anything praline flavored! Isn't that a fish?"

Uh, Sure

"Can you imagine if a beetle kicked a dears butt? It would have bragging rights over all other beetles!"

Duh...

"What's a female bull? A cow?"

Is It?

"'Want to go watch pie and eat t.v.?' That's what monsters say."

Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can -- Like wrappin' up your head in goo!

It's frustrating waiting for a wall to end.

You know how when you're wearing a bunny suit you look big, you don't look right, you look big? That's what this rabbit looked like.

This fanny pack is making me feel bad about myself.

Huh?

"Come to the Light Side, we have flashlights."

No, I didn't

"Did you know Dementor arms are reversible."

How's that work?

"He got a waiver for a ponytail."

Ooh secrets

"I'm turning a dementor into Umbridge. Don't tell (her)."

"I'm on the owl of glory and I'm waiting on a moment with you"

"He needs to let off some steam with a dance routine."

"Were your pickle senses tingling?"

Tasty

"Do you know how to make Cornelius Fudge brownies? Just add corn."

'I wonder if a boggart could turn into Azkaban?'

Yeah!

"I'd like to see you try to fit into a Prius Quasimoto."

Okay...

"I'm right, you're wrong! I don't care what Google says!"

'I thought it was a banana on a moped.'

Please...

"Make yourself useful and stop doing the macarena."

Tails

Call "Sometimes I wish I had a tail so I could wag it in Jack's face to give him a taste of his own medicine."
Response "I don't have a tail Jack. It's so unfair. I don't have a tail."

Wow...

MsA "I know what my 'Born This Way' shirt would say..."


Thing 1 "Muffin top!"


Thing 2 "But she wasn't born with a muffin top."

Homosapiens

'If 'sapiens' means wise I think we should just be called homo's.'

No, actually, it's not

"So what you're saying is this spoon used to be toilet paper?"

I did not know...

"You know 'Lord of the Rings' really is a barf-o-rama because that time we all got sick we all threw up in Lord of the Rings popcorn buckets."

Cause They Do!

"What? You think boogers don't migrate?"

Sure...

"Eggbeyonce."

Uh, Thanks?

"You smell like wet dog, but your head is soft."

What?

"Is there a homeless person scholarship for this race?"

Who is Neville Longbottom?

"He's a Herbology teacher stuck in time waiting for me so I can marry him."

Unusual

"I know now they're ROUS's, but back then they just looked like giant moles."

The Ten Commandments

"And then God said, 'Moses, Moses. Put down that chisel. I got this one.'"

Oh, Well, Okay Then!

"I know, I heard what you said, I was just making fun of you."

True Story

"Best friends don't usually hang on to each other with their teeth!"

You Sure?

"No, I'm not putting eyeliner on my koala!"

Lady Bug Rescue

'Look at me, and I'm not even Bhuddist.'

Dreaming?

"Where were we when we were being followed by Neil Patrick Harris?"

Tasty

"Let's see if he gets upset and tries to eat me."

Good At Math & Science

"We are 70% water and 0% ice."


"Okay, we're never any percentage tomato sauce."

Could Be

"I swear it's the Secret Garden, but with machine guns and short skirts!"

Too Bad For You

"I want to read his wrangling blog. Jerk!"

It Did...

"Wow digging around in coconut husks made my hands really soft."

Hmmmm?

"How do make you muffins sexy?"

Well...

"I'm not a samsquatch you freak!"

Is That So?

"Any time you take your clothes off in public, especially places you go a lot, you're having anxiety."

Enterprise

"He has to go to Holo-holics Anonymous."

Incredible

"The Hulk should just wear a button down shirt."
"Yeah. That would make SO much more sense than just ripping that white T-shirt off all the time!"

Cupid

"But wings don't have diaper butts." 

Oh

"It would work if we were Polynesian."

Dissapointing

"It didn't work. You have a terrible shoulder shelf."

Super Bowl Sunday

"Who's playing in the Super Bowl?"
"The Steelers and the Packers."
"The Packers? What's their mascot? The FedEx guy??"

What?

"If you can outlaw blowing and licking I can outlaw rib spikes." 

Indeed

"I'm a fluid slipper kicker."

Taco Talk

"It's hairy cartilage."

Quack!

"I don't care, I'd rather have a duck for a teacher."

Uh, No

"Don't you know I'm a professional toe creeper?"

Finals...

"The Spanish Inquisition? Wasn't that a disease?"

Forsooth!

"Giveth the kongeth! It worked, he speaks Old English!"

Well Okay Then

"I'm not pouting, I'm shunning."

Can't Blame Her

"(She's) trying to turn our house into an homage to the Weasleys."

So Sorry

'Where's my stick? I had a stick! Someone took it! I was looking forward to that!'

Yes, You Are

'What am I doing? Ahhhh, pushing the wrong thing a million times!?'

Tic Toc

"Wake up in the morning feeling de-hy-drated."

Just Because

"Why are you dancing like a crazy elf?"

Hmmm

"They're not clothes, they're towels... Unless you're Roman."

Right Away

"Knight! Fetch me a curly mustache!"

Possibly

"Do you think that if I ever became a Secret Agent and I needed a note destroyed that I could slather it in peanut butter and Jack would eat it?"

Oh, I See

"Stop! You're just my trusty sidekick. Don't go getting all excited it's not like you're my minion yet or anything."

Uh, Sure...

"Now the Russian Mafia will know about my wart!"

Good Timing

"The other thing that lady did was laugh and drool came down and hit me in the eyelid. Luckily my eye was closed because I was playing dead."

Ew

"You can have my wart when you gnaw it off my cold dead foot!"

Warning

"I may have spat on you."