I See

"I like old ladies when they speed walk. It means they're fit."

Seriously

"You're more of a gay boy than an emo hippie chick."

Bleh

"Quit petting my spine."

Right?

"What do you mean 'Who is Josh Groban?'"

Clever

"You know what I discovered? No matter which way you fall off our house you land on something painful."

Come On

"Can I use that fork? As in 'hurry up'."

True Enough

"Did you know pigs are among the smartest animals?"
 "Until you slice them up!"

I'm Not...

"Well, if you're gonna knit me a taco..."

Understandable

"I was distracted by the doughnut flavored books."

Denied

"Block him? What if you start an online romance and he becomes your first husband?"

We Are

"You bunch of soap sniffers!"

Um, Yeah

"But water's good for you. And so is peeing."

Bummer

"Sadly, they didn't reanimate any dead Pilgrims for us."

Ha!

"Hey it's my car!!!"
"Really?"
"Not my real car, the one I want. Hey! No smoking in my car!!!" 

Tasty

"What? I was laughing at my cranberry sauce."

It's For You

*singing* "Call me up if you a gangsta."
*two minutes later*
"Where's your phone? I'm calling you up cause I'm a gangsta!"

Dowry

"A goat and two chickens?! I thought you'd be worth at least a shaved monkey!"

Scratch It

"I made $5 off a back up beard once."

Uh...

"Frodo? Why is Frodo one sock?"

Hmmm

"A tea pot dork? That doesn't even make sense."

Gross

"Ah, you schnozed my cheek."

Me Too

"I'm mad at you about the Nemesis song."

Not So Much

"I'm way cooler than vegan recipes."

Ca-caw!!!!!

"PLEASE! I'm doing homework and you're just lounging around in bird pants."

"Are you licensed to kill?"
"No, I'm only licensed to maim."

Hmmm

"Tortoise nap. Its like a cat nap, but more scared."

Uh, Sure

"Okay, you wanna dork it up? Look at your white thing!"

Fancy

"It's like The Nutcracker, only Dogcracker."

Where?

"Ninja bike, ninja bike, ninja bike,"

Surprising

"Jack doesn't like ninja feet. He finds them boring."

Uh uh

"Can't I just dance with my daughter without my dog getting excited."

Okay

"You left a gap, now it's staring at me."

Good Rule

"When I was like nine my mom had to make a rule that me and my brother couldn't use unforgivable curses on each other."

It's Not

"I'm covered in spider webs and tape. It's not a good combination"

"You don't wanna hoo people with your hah!"

Can Do

"Just stand there and wait for panties to pop out."

Could Be

"Maybe we're all hippies and that's the secret, we're all hippies."

IDK

What's up with all the eyeballs in your purse?

I Don't

Do you know the only way to stop touching auras? It's for me to chuck Oreos at you. Get it? Aura-O's!

Is it...

"Licking apples is fun."

True

"Yeah but, we sing about good things..." *in unison* "Like eggs!"

Um, Sure...

"Ugh, I have to wash out the waffles!"

Look!

"Watch it. Watch it. Watch it glisten!"

Um, yeah, you were

"I wasn't just babbling on about a girl carrying her grandma's candlesticks in sown in patches."

Oh

"That was, 'Say hi to (her) for me' in 'My mouth is full of water' talk."

Nope

"Dogs don't have logic."

Steam

I told the steam to get out of my face and it inspired a song!


Posted by: Thing 2

History

"Macedonia. That's where Alexander the Great was born." *scoff* "Well, someone was born there and we were watching a video on Alexander the Great, so I think it was him."

True

"Well, you don't hear young 20 year olds saying, 'Get off my lawn!'"

Pants

"Okay, have fun with my pants!"


Posted by thing 2

Kind Of

"Picture, like, a chicken foot, but not really."

Drool

"Get away from me, you already drooled on my arm once today!"

Uh huh

"See, it's wet because it's water."

Tasty...

"Why is it warm, smells like hamburgers and it's raining?"

Feet

"And I was like 'OHMYGOSH! It's the feet song!!!!'"


Posted by: Thing 1

Ouch!

"Speaking of sleepovers and friends, which you don't have..."

Shop Talk

"I think the computer likes it when I call it baby."

Convo

"Why's that?" 
"I don't know. I just don't want to be on the same page as you guys"

Jinx

"Tag you're it, eat an ice cream cone, you owe me a boat!" 
Followed by a mock Samoan Slap Dance

One day...

"One day, when you were leisurely hanging out in my uterus, I was giving birth to you."


There is some dispute over whether 'in my'  or 'out of my' was said. You decide!

Double Meaning

"How do you spell 'Quirrell'?"


"Like the teacher or like an argument?"




Posted By: Thing 1

Blender

Mmwaa Mmwaa Mmwaa, I'm a blender, Mmwaa, Mmwaa.

Dancing

"The dog thinks my dancing means something good for him."

Hippopotomi

"I think all hippopotamuses should all be named Helvetica."



Posted by: Thing 1

Muffins

"Move! I have to stab these muffins!"

Posted by: Thing 2

Panties

"Speaking of panties, have you made your lunch yet?"